i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
