Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
