Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
