wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
