I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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