it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
