there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
