What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you didnt know i had herpes?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
