dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
