I can tuck mytits in my pants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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