I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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