feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
