frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
