I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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