i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
