So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
