I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
NoShamevember. You game?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
