Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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