SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There r osticjed everywhere
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
