he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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