how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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