Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there is glitter all over my balls
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
