My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Randomize
