ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
