im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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