Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
