hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
