It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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