"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
