so explain again why im purple
no
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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