officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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