can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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