Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
