Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
