you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
