I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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