if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
