My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
