Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
