Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
