omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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