If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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