On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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