Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
