i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
