idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
