last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
