THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
