I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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