i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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