He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
